Freedom Tastes Like Silence After Screaming: "My Journey Through an Arranged Marriage”

     I am glad I didn’t continue with it. I am happy for that one big decision I made, to sail across the heavy tornado of regrets and self-pity for my unknown future. Currently, I live with zero “had I knowns” because I fought all the “if I knew I could have” and now live a proud, “I’m glad I did” life. What a leap!

    She didn’t realize when she said, “Tell them to come,” that it was her 17-year-old voice affirming an arranged marriage. She was still underage but carried mature dreams for herself. Deep down, she knew what she agreed to wasn’t what she wanted, yet she said yes.

     The marital rites came quickly. She found herself on the journey of “Mrs.” It scared her, this wasn’t her dream. The traditional marriage was loud, and she was practically the envy of her peers. She remembered her female cousin asking to be prayed for, to get married soon, just like her. She nodded without saying a word but whispered to herself, “I wish she knew this smile is just a facade.”

     Months passed, and she faced her first marital storm for four grueling months. She wanted to quit, but she fought for herself. It was as if the world had launched missiles at her. People talked endlessly. She was referred to as a “divorcee,” yet she remained undeterred. She was fearless, relentless, and deaf to their rants, blind to the judgmental eyes pointing constantly at her. She wasn’t just a victim of an arranged marriage, she was an escapee and a survivor.

     Eighty percent of arranged marriages fail because we ignore the basics, drowning out our own voices. “Hey Jane, you’ve always wanted to get married, this is your opportunity, grab it!” Jane grabs it without nurturing a relationship first. Years later, she regrets what she could have avoided if she’d listened to herself.

    Don’t rush into commitment. Take time to know your spouse, likes, dislikes, dreams, and character. It’s heartbreaking how many believe, “When we marry, we will learn to love each other.” Learn what? What if your spouse introduces a “Marriage in Chaos” course you cannot pass? Will you end up divorced?

    Most cases of infidelity,70 to 80%, come from rushed or arranged marriages. Build love slowly. Work on understanding each other before committing fully. Otherwise, when a new, seemingly perfect person appears, your head and heart will wage war.

   Arranged marriage is not inherently bad, but get to know your spouse first. Spend time with them. Many say yes due to peer, societal, or family pressure, only to die quietly in pain, hating the marriage they consented to. And when it gets tough, society and family will not be there.

Before saying yes to any proposal, ask yourself:

Is this someone I want to wake up to every day?

Can I tolerate their best and worst behaviors?

Can I be faithful and committed despite societal pressures?

Will this marriage bring happiness, not just duty or loneliness?

   If you cannot answer these honestly, save yourself from “marriage in chaos.” Be an escapee, not a victim. Money cannot solve all marital issues; love and understanding can. Choose wisely.

   I’ve seen men leave long-term relationships for arranged marriages chosen by family, only to face heartbreak and chaos. Marriage is bittersweet, but there is enduring beauty when shared with someone your heart and mind align with, a partner whose angels you embrace, and whose devils you tame.

  Take your time. Get to know your spouse. Love fully. Walk boldly into your marriage. May your choice bring cheers, not chaos.

                ©HerMixedMuse